YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF...
 ------------------------------
 The only jokes you receive are through e-mail

 At Christmas, it goes without saying that you
 will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in
 the string

 Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending
 the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma

 Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck
 peering at the scenery, and you are still on a
 personal tour of the engine room

 In college you thought Spring Break was a metal
 fatigue failure

 The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer
 any of your questions

 You are always late to meetings

 You are at an air show and know how fast the
 skydivers are falling

 You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her
 birthday

 You can quote scenes from any Monty Python
 movie

 You can type 70 words a minute but can't read
 your own handwriting

 You can't write unless the paper has both
 horizontal and vertical lines.

 You comment to your wife that her straight hair
 is nice and parallel.

 You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months

 You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit
 backwards in the chairs to see how they do
 the special effects

 You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in
 your work area

 You have ever saved the power cord from a
 broken appliance

 You have more friends on the Internet than in
 real life

 You have never bought any new underwear or
 socks for yourself since you got married

 You have used coat hangers and duct tape for
 something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

 You know what http:// actually stands for

 You look forward to Christmas only to put
 together the kids' toys

 You own one or more white short-sleeve dress
 shirts

 You see a good design and still have to change
 it

 You spent more on your calculator than on your
 wedding ring

 You still own a slide rule and you know how to
 work it

 You think that when people around you yawn,
 it's because they didn't get enough sleep

 You wear black socks with white tennis shoes
 (or vice versa)

 You window shop at Radio Shack

 You're in the back seat of your car, she's
 looking wistfully at the moon, and you're
 trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite

 You know what the geosynchronous satellite
 function is

 Your checkbook always balances

 Your laptop computer costs more than your car

 Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do
 at work

 Your wrist watch has more computing power than
 a 300Mhz Pentium

 You've already calculated how much you make per
 second

 You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio

A Dead Engineer

    An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
    St.. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an
    engineer--you're in the wrong place."

    So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is
    let in.

    Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with
    the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and
    building improvements.

    After a while, they've got air conditioning and
    flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a
    pretty popular guy.

    One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and
    says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

    Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got
    air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and
    there's no telling what this engineer is going to
    come up with next."

    God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer?
    That's a mistake! He should never have gotten
    down there;send him up here."

    Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on
    the staff,and I'm keeping him."

    God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

    Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah,
    right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
 
 
 

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer and scientist knows,

Work

_____ = Power

Time

Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:

Work

______ = Knowledge

Money

Solving for Money, we get:

Work

_________ = Money

Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity

Regardless of the Work done.

Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.