If mankind were really designed for all day meetings, the relative size of the brain and the bladder would be reversed – poor Richard the EE, Dec 88

By retirement, most engineers still haven’t gained their fortune, but being good at their profession, they have slowly redefined the GOOD LIFE so that it takes less money and energy than originally conceived. – poor Richard the EE, Dec 88

Definition: HUMANOID = any intelligent extra-terrestrial race that looks, talks, emotes, and acts like earthlings. They are comparable in many ways, but still they are not capable of winning a fist fight with a captain of an earth space ship. -- Mar 89

The 1040 Tax Form earned its name because it is designed so the average 10 year old can follow the instructions, but the average 40 year old can’t afford to. – poor Richard the EE, Mar 89

Definition: WIMP = a Window, Icon, and Mouse Person. Usually an engineer enthralled by his desk top computer. (come to think of it, often an Editor). – Mar 89

Those of you that think there is no hunger in modern nations, try flying on peanuts at 30,000 feet altitude. – Jun 89

No wonder we are falling behind in technology. After my class studied the book with many pictures of red nuclei with blue clouds of electrons, they still couldn’t answer my quiz question "What color are electrons?" – Sept 89

You don’t need to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth to get somewhere in Chicago or Boston…but lots of exact change sure helps at their tollbooths. – Sept 89

There was an engineer in his 40s who hoped he was manic-depressive, figuring that the first half of his life had been so depressing that he wished to look forward to 4 decades of mania. -- Dec 89

More CO2 in the air isn’t all bad…soft drinks will keep their fizz longer. – Dec 89

And after they have reached their credit card limits…will they still like democracy? -- March 90

Quote from the Father of a Cool Teenager, "He’s my very poised son . . . if you say it fast enough." – March 90

Each generation discovers what poisoned the bodies and minds of the last generation. – June 1990

The kids are back in school . . . and the engineering comes easy. – Sept 1990

Even though he lived in a fringe area for TV reception, he wanted HDTV . . . perhaps to see the snow distinctly. – March 1991

When you go to an outdoor night-time astronomy lecture, there is always that humbling moment when the scientist has pointed out some phenomena in the heavens and someone in the audience takes a flash picture of the sky . . . You hope that if there is intelligent life elsewhere, that they have not found us yet. – March 1991

If you cheat by parking in a "Handicapped spot," where am I to ditch my empty shopping cart? Why don’t you think of your fellow man? -- March 1991

For some young engineers, reading science fiction starts as just one bad Hobbit. – March 1991

Definition: Good old Days = time when a CHMT member could actually attend all the packaging conferences held each year. – June 1991

Definition: Historians = people who can not agree on the future even after it happens. – June 1991

TAKE NO CURRENCY
For many years the USA and USSR avoided war by a military policy of Mutual Assured Nuclear Destruction. Perhaps what is needed now between Japan, Europe, and the USA is a civilian policy of Mutual Assured Consumption. One version of M.A.C. would involve saturation delilvery of credit cards to citizens of any country with a tremendous international trade surplus resulting from forcing its people to save and sacrifice for the future. -- March 1992

Death’s Sting for an Engineer
Like the theoretical physicist that wouldn’t mind death if he could keep his subscription to Phys. Rev., many an engineer would accept death more easily if they could come back briefly once a year and play with the new tools/toys of the trade . . . come to think of it, many professors may already have cut this deal. – March 1992

Perhaps the best way to expand the world economy is to have each country pay for maintaining another country’s environment. (With apologies to Johnathan Swift) --June 1992

Give me a modem fast enough,
And a PC powerful enough, and
Single-handed I still can’t remove
My email queue. -- Archimedieees
-- Sept 1994

Despite the number of management books you see in the airport, in most large companies the only Empowerment you see is Stealth Empowerment. If the action fails everyone pretends they were following orders, if it succeeds management remembers asking for it. – Dec 1991

You can volunteer for a CHMT task without being questioned by a Senate panel of fools ! -- Dec 1991

VISION? OR CHANCE COMMENT?
" Boy Scout Michelson! If you keep shining those two flashlight beams in my eyes, I’ll set you adrift in the ether world!" -- Dec 1991

VISION? OR CHANCE COMMENT?
"Hey, Domehead, if you don’t wake up and get off my trolley, I’ll accelerate you off so fast you’ll leave your relatively slow shadow behind." -- Dec 1991

And at the start of the seventh day, Adam slapped a shut-down order for an unusual occurrence on the Universe. It seems the pristine Void had become a dumping site for stars, and gas, and planets. Even "In the Beginning" there was Foolishness. – Dec 1992

Rumor has it that there will soon be a new character in the popular TV series "Star Trek, the Next Generation." The writers will add a timid Klingon dog as a pet on the bridge. It seems they want the Klingons to form the Warf and Woof of the program. – Dec 1993

EDITOR’S APOLOGY: The editor would like to apologize for his poor proofreading which allowed the expression "old member of our Society" in last issue’s article on your Board of Governors. It should have read "odd member of our Society" and was probably due to the recently identified floating point stealth problem. – Dec 1994

Question: What’s the difference between the White House in Washington DC or the Red Square in Moscow and the new Denver International Airport ???
Answer: It is possible to land a plane at the White House and in Red Square.
-- Dec 1994

We’ve All Worked With This Engineer:
"A man’s got to Stew,
What a Man’s Got to Do !!"
¨ Don Rohr, 1995,
¨ (upon being asked why he describes all his projects as if they were unfair burdens)

From the Quality Control Engineer’s Wall: "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have lost at all." -- June 1995

ENGINEERS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS
Like my mother used to tell me . . . ‘Life is like a crock of . . . chocolate’
-- Forrest Grump, famous electrical enginner that discovered three of Murphy’s Laws on one project. -- June 1995

My company hired a lot of consultants thereby learning to flatten the organization. We now have just vice presidents and engineers . . . in equal numbers. -- Sept 91

The problem started when her fiance, the power components engineer, gave her a fancy diamond substrate instead of the traditional ring. Since then all the heat has drained from their relationship. -- Sept 91

A lot of middle age software engineers are buying their teenage daughters sweatshirts that have large letters saying "Removal indicates your complete agreement with the marriage licensing agreement." -- Sept 92

A control engineer said "Of course there is life after death! Why else would a person receive negative feedback up to their very last breath?" -- Sept 93