At Christmas, it goes without saying that you
will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in
the string
Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending
the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma
Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck
peering at the scenery, and you are still on a
personal tour of the engine room
In college you thought Spring Break was a metal
fatigue failure
The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer
any of your questions
You are always late to meetings
You are at an air show and know how fast the
skydivers are falling
You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her
birthday
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python
movie
You can type 70 words a minute but can't read
your own handwriting
You can't write unless the paper has both
horizontal and vertical lines.
You comment to your wife that her straight hair
is nice and parallel.
You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit
backwards in the chairs to see how they do
the special effects
You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in
your work area
You have ever saved the power cord from a
broken appliance
You have more friends on the Internet than in
real life
You have never bought any new underwear or
socks for yourself since you got married
You have used coat hangers and duct tape for
something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
You know what https:// actually stands for
You look forward to Christmas only to put
together the kids' toys
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress
shirts
You see a good design and still have to change
it
You spent more on your calculator than on your
wedding ring
You still own a slide rule and you know how to
work it
You think that when people around you yawn,
it's because they didn't get enough sleep
You wear black socks with white tennis shoes
(or vice versa)
You window shop at Radio Shack
You're in the back seat of your car, she's
looking wistfully at the moon, and you're
trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite
You know what the geosynchronous satellite
function is
Your checkbook always balances
Your laptop computer costs more than your car
Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do
at work
Your wrist watch has more computing power than
a 300Mhz Pentium
You've already calculated how much you make per
second
You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio
A Dead Engineer
An engineer dies and reports to the
pearly gates.
St.. Peter checks his dossier and
says, "Ah, you're an
engineer--you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates
of hell and is
let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with
the level of comfort in hell, and
starts designing and
building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning
and
flush toilets and escalators, and
the engineer is a
pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone
and
says with a sneer, "So, how's it going
down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going
great. We've got
air conditioning and flush toilets
and escalators, and
there's no telling what this engineer
is going to
come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an
engineer?
That's a mistake! He should never
have gotten
down there;send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having
an engineer on
the staff,and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers,
"Yeah,
right. And just where are YOU going
to get a lawyer?"
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer and scientist knows,
Work
_____ = Power
Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:
Work
______ = Knowledge
Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Work
_________ = Money
Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity
Regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.